Month: February 2023

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How to Make Your Relationship Work

making your relationship work

In order to make your relationship work the golden rule must be your reference point. What does it state? The golden rule states that you must ‘do unto others as you would like them to do unto you’. Hence, the golden rule is about you putting yourself in other people’s position; feeling their pain when they are in pain, and rejoicing with them in their happiness.

The golden rule is the ornament of love. In fact, if you want to make your relationship work optimally you must learn to love others. The dimension of happiness and fulfillment released on the platform of love is unimaginable. Through love, you can find fulfillment in virtually every kind of relationship. Hence, we need love in the pursuit of happiness in our business, career, marriage, friendship, and other relationships. Love affects the way we think, behave, and our attitude, friendship, and relationship with others. And certainly, through love each and every one of us can bring positive vibes to any relationship.

Love conquers fear, hatred, bitterness, malice, unforgiveness, jealousy, envy, and other vices. All these are toxic habits and are poisonous to any relationship. So learning to love will free your mind from all these toxins. If they are not taken care of they can negatively affect the relationship. And in such relationships, we cannot find happiness and fulfillment. Hence, love functions as a relationship sanitizer.

Be Kind to others

The golden rule is anchored on five elements of love, namely; kindness, giving, sacrifice, tolerance, and forgiveness. We can express our love for others through our kindness. Have milk of kindness. Show empathy. This is how to make your relationship work. You must be kind to everyone you meet whether you know such a person or not. In showing kindness you must be ready and willing to help those in need. And in helping them you must be selfless. You must help people unconditionally without expecting anything in return. That is the true color and nature of love.

Kindness is also about appreciation. Appreciate those that have added value to your life. Appreciate your business partners, customers, friends, family members, and anyone who has brought happiness into your life. You can call on the phone, send messages or make arrangements to meet with them face to face, where you can thank them for the unique impact they have on your life. By appreciating them they will be happy and do more to impact your life positively. And on the other hand, the level of your happiness and fulfillment in such a relationship will be unimaginable. Hence, if you have been there before you will know that every show of kindness carries with it a weight of fulfillment. There is great joy and happiness in kindness.

Learn to give in any Relationship

Giving is also another channel to express your love for others and your relationships with them work. Do you know that the true test of love is in giving? Love is a two-way thing. It involves giving and receiving. In your relationship, you will definitely receive love when you give love. And in the pursuit of fulfillment, you must give to impact the lives of people around you in order to be happy and fulfilled in life. So, love entails giving back to change people’s life for good. 

Make Sacrifices to make your Relationship work

You can make your relationship work through the sacrifices you make to see others happy.  Sacrifice in this regard is inconveniencing yourself to see that others around you are happy as well. You can make your marriage and other relationships work by inconveniencing yourself to love others. Sacrifice entails cost, compromise, and deep pain. You must inconvenience yourself if you hope to achieve a win-win situation where every party in the relationship is happy.  Try and be flexible always ready to compromise and adjust if you want fulfillment and happiness in any relationship. 

So many marriages have broken up, relationships destroyed, friendships gone sour and many have failed in the pursuit of happiness just because someone refused to make the sacrifice. They refused to shift ground but wanted to dictate the terms of such relationships. In fact, for you to love you must be ready to inconvenience yourself. Happiness and fulfillment in any relationship thrive best in an atmosphere where people are willing to sacrifice.

Be Ready to Tolerate

Tolerance is also another important quality you must possess if you want your relationship to work optimally. Learn to tolerate people the way they are. Accept their faults; accept their weaknesses and this will help them to gain confidence in that relationship. Understand that we all came from different backgrounds with different values and traditions and this explains the variations in personalities. Hence, if you can tolerate people irrespective of their shortcomings it will help them overcome their weaknesses and gain confidence. On the contrary, intolerance breeds hatred and there is no happiness or fulfillment in an atmosphere of hatred.

You must Readily Forgive

Forgiveness is also another important virtue of love. It helps a great deal to make any relationship work optimally. Forgiveness is letting go of any past offense and grievance against your person. Understand that not forgiving those that offended you imply that you will dwell in your past. This is very unhealthy as any offense or grievance you refuse to let go of becomes a burden. It brings rottenness to your mind. I remember when we newly got married. I categorically told my wife that I am not perfect by any standard. And that I might offend her but pleaded with her that before I offend her she must find a place in her heart to forgive me. It has perfectly worked for us, and we are waxing very strong in our relationship.

So many marriages have broken up, relationships have gone sour, and friends have even parted ways because of unforgiveness. It is very important that you know when to forgive. When is the best time to forgive? Immediately, your partner realizes his or her fault and apologizes to you asking for forgiveness. Please forgive. Once you hear this powerful phrase, ‘I am sorry’ do not hesitate to say ‘I forgive you’. These three-worded phrases are massive game changers in building strong and happy relationships. So don’t be so proud to say them when necessary. Stop dwelling in your past, don’t hold any grudge or malice against anyone just forgive and let go. Obey the golden rule, love everyone without dissimulation. Remember, the person you love might be the key to your happiness and fulfillment in that relationship. This is the smartest way to make your relationships work.

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Originality Mentality: Panacea to Identity Crisis

originality mentality

Originality mentality is the right answer to the identity question. It is the panacea to identity crisis. The truth about life is that each and every one of us has peculiarities. It might interest you to know that just as the fingerprints and hair strands are peculiar to us. We have potentials and abilities that are unique to us. Hence, no matter how identical a set of twins may look they still differ from each other. These peculiar endowments that are unique to them distinguish one from the other. There might be a striking resemblance between the two things but organically they differ from each other. This organic difference makes us differ from one another by reason our potential is originality. Originality is the quality of being completely new and different from anything that anyone has thought of before.

There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars. For one star differs from another in glory (1Corinthians 15: 41)

Originality is all about identifying your innate peculiarities. It can be leveraged to success when you consolidate these peculiarities. It also entails defining your identity and being true to who you are. The term originality is all about sticking to your guns. It is the inevitable end; the final destination of the journey of self-discovery is originality. That is to say that the journey to self-discovery culminates in originality the very moment one defines one’s identity. Your own unique way, style, or method of doing things that are only peculiar to you, is originality.

Originality Mentality Means Being Unique

In Summary, it means to be unique. It is being original in your chosen field. Originality mentality remains a critical option in solving the jigsaw puzzle of our identity. We must therefore consolidate our peculiarities, potentials, or abilities. It is these peculiarities that will form our identity. Hence, originality shapes your values, beliefs, and personality, as well as defines your identity.

I decided long ago
never to walk in anyone’s shadow.
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I lived as I believed.
No matter what they take from me.
They can’t take away my destiny.

These are the lyrics from Whitney Houston’s song – the greatest love of all. These lyrics to a very large extent truly capture the essence of the concept of originality mentality. The good side of originality is that it makes you stand out from the crowd. Originality is akin to carving a niche of your own.  It has a way of standing you out from others who may equally be exceptional in such a niche. The only difference then will be your style which is different from there’s.

Originality mentality has helped me a great deal in my adventure as a writer. Basically, I might write the same topic as others but my unique style of writing makes the difference. Hence my originality has paid off dearly as I have been able to impact and add value to my readers. There are testimonials to attest to that.

Originality Mentality Vs Copycat Mentality

Another important aspect of the originality mentality is that it is a panacea to the copycat mentality. This mentality is a very dangerous and worrisome trend among the majority of people. There are so many ‘want to bees’ that fantasize about how to become like one role model. This is awesome, but while fantasizing you can explore your own peculiarities. There are potentials and talents which are so unique to you from that of your role model. And this is what will make you stand out from such a person. The copycat mentality is akin to hiding in another man’s shadow. Consequently, hiding in another man’s shadow makes it impossible for you to define your identity.

The world is in dire need of novel and innovative ideas to solve its numerous problems. Obviously, the world would be a better place if you can unleash your talents and freely express your potential unhindered. So you must do everything possible to bring to bear those peculiar endowments that providence has bestowed on you. Try not to live another’s man dream, instead tailor your dreams according to those peculiar potentials of yours. Then, pursue them vigorously. Don’t live in another man’s world instead create your own world to your own taste, with your potential. That is the originality mentality.

Copycat Mentality Breeds Counterfeit

It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation – Herman Melville

On the contrary, if you are still bedeviled by this copycat mentality you are a counterfeit. Hence, if you are hiding under someone’s shadow, then you are a counterfeit of such a person. When it is not original it will certainly be counterfeit. And counterfeit is a bane to success. So if you want to succeed imbibe the originality mentality. In addition, Originality boosts your self-esteem and enforces your dignity. Hence your dignity is under threat if you are still hiding in another man’s shadow.

No one ever made a difference by being like everyone else – P.T. Barnum.

Never do a thing just because others are doing it. Don’t join the bandwagon. Always have a reason for doing the things you do. And let originality be the motivation behind every of your action. Always dare to be different. Break the norm if need be. You must endeavor to create your own signature. Do everything to consolidate your peculiarities. It is your leverage to your success. That is the originality mentality, and it is a plus to success.

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The Identity Question

self-awareness

The identity question is crucial to success and fulfillment in life. It becomes a crisis when one’s personality is shrouded in uncertainty. And this personality crisis undermines success. It is a bane to success as it is one of the banana peels on the conquestlane to greatness. An identity crisis is a serious threat to success. It can lead to failure and unfulfillment in life. It refers to a state in which one experiences uncertainty about who he or she really is and their proper role in life.

An identity crisis is akin to identity confusion, a situation where one lives in the confusion of their character, goals, and or origins. An identity crisis arises when one is trapped between who they really is and who they want to be. We must conquer the identity crisis. It is one of the conquests we must make to have a fulfilling and rewarding life.

A Typical Example

A young man was always fantasizing about being like one of his role models. He did everything to conform to the identity of his role model. He changed the way he speaks, the way he dresses, his mannerisms, and his values to those of this public figure. Then one day, his father, who had been observing him with much disdain, called him and asked him who he was. The father further asked him, ‘’are you this personality that you want to be like?’’ The young man answered no. His father asked him again, “Who are you then?”. The young man answered his father, “I am Tony, your son”. At this point, the father looked straight into his son’s eyes and said to him, “If you are really my son, then be true to who you are. Be proud of your identity”.

This is a typical and isolated case of the majority who are plagued by identity crises. It is very common these days, especially among our youth. Nowadays, you see people perm their hair, grow dreadlocks, and sag their pants. They change their names and even their values. Because they want to be like public figures. It is not bad, but do those lifestyles befit your personality? It becomes an identity crisis if it is not on par with your personality. Therefore, an identity crisis arises from the conflict or clash of these values or beliefs with our own personality.

An identity crisis precipitates due to our inability to define our own identity. The truth is that each and every one of us has peculiarities. These unique endowments are what distinguish us from one another. These peculiarities help define our values, beliefs, personality, and hence our identity. The good news is that, like young Tony, you can overcome an identity crisis. However, you must come out from hiding in another man’s shadow. You must face the ‘mirror of reality’. The ‘mirror of reality’ shows you just the way you are. It exposes all the grey areas of your life. It helps you identify your strength of character, your potential, and your capabilities.

Exploring the Unfamiliar Path

Sometimes, in trying to define our identity, we have to explore unfamiliar paths. Most of these paths lead to the distortion and disorientation of our belief and value system. They leave us more confused than we were trying to define our identity. Thus, defining your identity promotes success, while, on the contrary identity crisis undermines success. Identity crisis in all its ramifications, social, psychological, and mental, is very harmful and unhealthy to success. It creates a disconnection from the mainstream or the threshold of success. As I said earlier, the identity question is crucial to success.

The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose – Richard R. Grant

The danger of an identity crisis is that, in the middle of the confusion that ensued, there is no purpose. No one succeeds without being purposeful. It is the consistency of purpose that drives you to success. Hence, you must have a purpose for you to be successful in life. Purpose drives you along the conquest lane and gives you access to the realm of success. On the contrary, a lack of purpose in life is a product of an identity crisis. This results in low self-worth, low self-esteem, an inferiority complex and so on, and these are detrimental to success.

Your identity and your success go hand in hand. Many people sacrifice their identities by not doing what they really want to do. And that’s why they’re not successful. – Lila Swell.

Lila Swell’s quote says it all. You can never succeed when you are not doing what you really want to do. That amounts to an identity crisis. It is inimical to success. It undermines success. Therefore, you must define your identity now to be successful. You must answer the identity question if you want to succeed in life